The Sun

Yeah, that's right. I hate the fucking sun, at least right now. It's all hot outside and shit and when I walk around I overheat too quickly because I am a large man with a high core temperature. So sue me if I get sweaty when the sun peeks its head out from behind the fog every once in a while. I recently went to visit my parents who live about 45 minutes outside of the city and it was so hot up there that I was sweating just standing around. Granted I was wearing jeans because I am starting to feel like men shouldn't wear shorts, but that is a different story. I'm talking about the sun and how much it pissed me off this weekend. Okay, okay, it was sunny and gorgeous and everyone was out running around having a wonderful time in the swimming pools and golf courses and parks with free music, but c'mon. When I take my shirt off for a few minutes, maybe a few hours, I'd like to be able to enjoy myself instead of getting burnt by the harmful UVA and UVB rays emanating from the giant star that lights our galaxy. I mean, my girlfriend can kick it in the sun and get some color, my brother and his friends can be running around half naked and get some color, but the moment I take my shirt of to reveal 6 months of pale teacher flesh, I get ostracized by these nitpicking rays and must deal with a week of not being able to towel myself off quickly because my arms and shoulders hurt too fucking much. Dammit. I enjoy a couple hours in the pool and now must suffer the consequences. Of course, you are probably chuckling to your sun-loving self right now about how foolish I must be to go out in the sun without proper SPF protection. Well, you know what? I didn't wear sunscreen because I forgot and now because I forgot I have skin peeling off of my nose and I am embarrassed because I am surrounded by a ton of teenagers who stare and like to point out the flaws of anybody aside from themselves so I am made to feel insecure by a bunch of pimple faced kids. And I think it is obvious that I don't truly hate the sun for burning me, I am just using it as a scapegoat to push the hate I have for myself in being such a goddamn idiot on a hot sunny day for not wearing sunscreen or just being aware of what the fuck I was doing. I love the sun. In fact, I feel like the sun is inside of me all the time because I am so full of love right now. So the sun is amazing. I am just an idiot and this post should be about how much I hate myself in the sun because I wear jeans on hot days and get too hot and then I wear a bathing suit without any sun protection and get burned and then I have to deal with myself being a total fucking wuss and try to make myself feel somewhat vindicated by posting on a hateful blog about my misdirected hate for something that is so beautiful and nice. I am sorry Mr. Sun. You are a wonderful being and I will stop using such hateful language when in your company. I hope that you have a nice sunny day.